“a prayer said in disbelief” is about the promise and pain of revolution. After having been kettled and beaten in Mott Haven at a racial justice protest in June 2020 and arrested and charged with multiple misdemeanors following a protest in July 2022, I began to reflect on how much of myself I could give away to live my values. Physical therapy and lingering damage to my hand from the Mott Haven kettle, court dates out of state, endless worrying, and an absent feeling of solidarity left me scared. When I looked around at the anarchist music scenes I frequent in NYC, I felt alienated from the punks and ravers who cried out for revolution. Cans of spray paint and beer, noise and nose drugs, community building and partying–pleasure as resistance felt hollow when surveying the trash after the show. But I still kept going, hoping in the haze of the rave or mosh pit I might find faith.
This album is “new age rave,” a mixture of ambient, jungle, digital hardcore, field recordings of insects and streams, and poetry. The songs live in a forest threatened by developers, the state, and the police, enlivened by ravers and revolutionaries, and haunted by witches. Dance beats give way to political manifestos, all swimming in the water sounds nourishing nature. I wanted to make an album that’s both about the sincere belief in revolution in rave and punk, and the difficulty of realizing those dreams within scenes overrun with drug abuse, mental health struggles, and betrayals of intimacy. Our musical worlds let us get close enough to love and to hurt each other.
“New age rave” is about the sacred element within art and politics. It reflects on self-destruction as personal transcendence, the moment in dance and collective struggle where we pass limits to become ourselves. To utter “a prayer said in disbelief” is to hold onto faith in a better world despite the pain struggle for that world causes. Each time I touch a friend or lover with my left hand, I feel the ache of the Mott Haven kettle, but I also feel the sting of revolution.
--
Performance, production, and mixing by certain lives
Mastering by Andrew Weathers
Album art by Mickey Lusk (@37h0rses)
